“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
 – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Unlearn what the world has told you, you are.” – Erin Stresow, PhD

Everyone’s experiences during the COVID-19 pandemic are as varied as we are individuals.

Do you remember your first car? Your first kiss? Your first heartbreak? The first sense of accomplishment that you felt really proud of, like high school graduation? First job? Placing at state for a sport or program? Your first failure? The first time you didn’t feel like part of the group?

These are all examples of how experiences prompt identity change. Each previous identity may have had its own specific associated symbolic values, emotions, and behaviors that then possibly changed based upon an experience. Identity change can either be an improvement or, when our identity is threatened, there is a loss of self.

To be clear, there are two definitions of identity. Identity is your sense of self. You know who you are. Social identity is based upon your social group memberships.

The pandemic and its social and economic fallout has suddenly left many of us facing unexpected changes to our identities or even loss of our sense of identity. Some individuals have found themselves able to cope with identity change, while some have struggled to adapt, especially those with limited resources. Those struggling may feel they don’t belong anymore, as their social environments may have drastically changed or no longer exist. It becomes harder for them to engage with others and commit to new identities.

A meta-analysis of the pandemic and its effects on the mental health of college students found that the prevalence of depression (39%) or anxiety (36%) greatly increased. During the pandemic, some people experienced relatively higher emotional irregularities (e.g., panic, excessive anxiety, irritability, and other psychological reactions); suffered from cognitive imbalances; or have changed their behaviors considerably. Another 12 types of psychological issues or symptoms (stress, posttraumatic stress disorder, suicidal tendencies, fear, panic, posttraumatic growth, psychological distress, regulatory emotional self-efficacy, somatic symptoms, tiredness, sleeplessness, and self-perceived mental health) were reported. We also know the mental health fallout of the pandemic is not falling in a one size fits all way. The more marginalized one’s identities are in one’s community and the fewer resources one has, typically the negative mental health impact is intensified.

How well we have coped with COVID-19 has depended on our own resources, the strength of our sense of security – physiological (food, shelter), safety (physical, job/income, health), and our sense of belonging to community.

My Own Story

At the beginning of the pandemic, I worked in Human Resources at another organization and was too busy working 60 to 80 hour weeks to realize that my entire life had done a 180 — my daily work interactions increased on Zoom, but face-to-face interactions decreased. I tried to reach out to friends and family early on without any luck. My socialization in 2020 amounted to fewer than 20 people and, in 2021, was 12 people if I was lucky. Social groups I was a part of no longer existed. I liked to “go out” to coffee shops, walk around stores, or take part in small events just to socialize with anyone. I am known to strike up a conversation with anyone, but that wasn’t allowed anymore. I lived alone in 2020 in true isolation geographically, physically, emotionally, and with little support from immediate family and friends because they were busy ensuring the safety of their family. I longed for physical contact. The simple act of a comforting hug wasn’t allowed because we had to social distance. I couldn’t get a hug from friends or family.

I was no longer able to have calm conversations or react in a rational way. There was nowhere to go, no one to talk to socially or emotionally, and work conversations were just that — work.

I felt as though I had no sense of belonging. I asked myself two critical questions: Is this really me? Why am I behaving this way?

I started to notice my personal behaviors had changed because I didn’t have many strong social connections, social networks, or even a sense of belonging through COVID-19 in 2020, 2021, and now into 2022. I say things like “in my previous life,” referring to various positive experiences in my past. For me, COVID-19 had changed numerous indicators of “self” and how I perceived myself. I lost myself while protecting the health of others.

How am I responding to all of this awareness around myself and my identity? I started talking issues through by seeking advice and support. I then was able to generate new, positive emotional and behavioral pathways. By accepting that my ways of socialization had changed, I was then able to redefine my sense of self, how I perceived myself, and began generating a new identity. In doing so, I was able to consider and commit to a new sense of self and purpose that brought enjoyment and provided me a sense of security.

If you have struggled or are struggling with your identity during the pandemic, I encourage you to fortify yourself by exploring how other people have met similar challenges:

• Find your social support by talking with friends, family, or a therapist
• Generate a new identity
• Redefine yourself
• Find your sense of purpose
• Seek out health care resources to promote sustained mental and physical well-being

Changing or generating a new identity takes imagination, openness to possibilities, and creatively testing new options. According to the Social Identity Model of Identity Change (SIMIC) theory, the likelihood of successfully changing an identity is higher for those who keep in touch with old social connections, build new relationships, and maintain membership in multiple groups. SIMIC notes the following mechanisms to change your identity:

• Greater self-awareness. Identity change often begins with the recognition of our problem behaviors and their negative consequences.
• Acceptance. Accept that your ways of socialization may have drastically changed or no longer exist, or how indicators of how you perceived yourself have changed.
• Social networks. In most studies, there was a link between identity change and the development of social connections or a sense of belonging.
• Behavior change. Behavior change may be prompted through use of relevant skills, modeling healthy coping strategies, encouraging helping behaviors, promoting exercise, or making a commitment to behave in ways consistent with the identity desired. Behavior change appeared to alter self-perceptions, leading to a view of the self as more worthy, valuable, competent, and capable.
• Improved self-efficacy. Identity change is also linked with the development of a greater sense of agency, control, and mastery.
• Stigma reduction.
• Greater sense of purpose and sense of self.
• Accepting Counter-Normative Identities. Social Identity Model of Identity Change (SIMIC) theory is not accepting of counter-normative identities. I’m in disagreement with this thought. Counter-normative identities are just that, our identities, and no one can tell us that it’s not ours. I suggest and encourage that we accept counter-normative identities.
• Access to resources. Greater access to social support, psychological support, and practical resources assists identity change. 
  

We’ve also seen the development of new identities during the pandemic: mask/no mask, vaccinated/unvaccinated, work from home/hybrid/virtual/work has remained the same, etc. These identifiers hold their own specific symbolic values, emotions, and behaviors. Be understanding and accepting of them. Be gentle with yourself and with others as we all try to redefine ourselves.  

Resources and Support

University Counseling Services

UI Employee Assistance Program

Support Services | Mental Health at Iowa - The University of Iowa (uiowa.edu)