“This too shall pass.” This phrase was something my grandmother said to me during the 40+ years of my life that I had the privilege to know her. She said these words to me when my grandfather died, when my 2-year-old daughter spent weeks in the hospital fighting for her life, and she said them to me when I told her I had cancer.

I was eight weeks pregnant with my third child when I received a breast cancer diagnosis. Breast cancer didn’t run in my family. I was only 40 years old. Needless to say, I was in shock, and my life as I knew it was forever changed. I knew I had to cope—I loved life, I was a wife and mother of two, but I wasn’t sure what the future would hold. Would this also pass? 

What does it mean when you are faced with an unexpected medical diagnosis from a practical sense? It might mean that your body needs to tolerate surgery, medications, side effects, or anxiety, resulting in changes to your daily habits and abilities. Focusing on work projects, cleaning the house, cooking, going to the grocery store, even picking up a laundry basket, could become hard tasks. Medical appointments take time, sometimes hours at a time, so you might find yourself unable to work a full load. Many of us can’t, or don’t want to, give up on a job. We need to believe that it is all temporary and we’ll be back to “normal” soon.

People used to say I was a superwoman for being able to handle everything that was presented to me. But the strategies I employed to get through the worst times without completely falling apart were not due to any superpower I possessed. It was due to the support I received, not only from my medical team and my family, but from my unit leadership, colleagues, and friends—the true superheroes in my life. And it was because I took advantage of the resources available to me.

If you are faced with an unexpected medical diagnosis, here are a few things that may be helpful to you:

Utilize the university Employee Assistance Program (EAP)

EAP offers free, confidential in-person or virtual counseling. The office is located on campus, and the professional support provided is second to none. My counselor created a space for me to breathe, strategize, express my thoughts, and work through fears. I will be forever grateful to her.

Explore reducing work hours temporarily

When faced with a medical challenge, sometimes scaling back on work can help you focus on the here and now. At one point I was prepared to quit my job due to the mental and physical toll, but I learned it didn’t have to be black or white. Quitting completely or continuing to work full time weren’t my only options. Work with your supervisor and HR to determine the best arrangement.  

Keep moving

Exercise makes all the difference. Go for walks, if possible. This can help keep you motivated to stay active, even when you don't think you have it in you. If faced with cancer, you can also take part in a weekly yoga class offered by UI Health Care.

Ask people for help

UI is home to some of the most compassionate and supportive people around. My co-workers stepped in to provide me and my family with meals, they were quick to lend an ear, or back me up if I had treatments and couldn’t be in the office every day. Be fearless in asking for help.

Look for support groups

I never thought there was a support group for women who are pregnant with cancer, so I didn’t look.  I was wrong, and I wish I had done some digging earlier on. Whether through UIHC, other medical providers, or national/international organizations, there is most likely a group of people out there who have had a similar experience and can provide support or advice. While I didn’t know about the organization while I was pregnant, I now am a mentor for other women who are pregnant with cancer. This has also been good for healing.

Consider group counseling

UIHC offers group counseling for cancer patients. I was not sure how this would help. But being with people going through a similar medical challenge at the same time was critical to my ability to process what was happening to me.  

Understand that you don’t have to be a superhero. This means letting yourself go through the highs and lows without feeling like you are letting yourself or others down. Take things one day at a time. You will know when you need different types of support, and maybe group counseling takes place not at the beginning of your journey, but in the middle. Maybe support groups or individual counseling come in early. I am five years out from my diagnosis and in remission—so has this passed? It is receding farther in the rearview mirror, and I have the real superheroes in my life to thank for that.

Cover image by Elias Morr.