As a newer leader, I often wonder who I might disappoint today. It's a part of the job, and like many of you, I've faced moments of disappointment—whether it's a sideways glance from a coworker, a project that didn't go as planned, or critical feedback from my boss.  

Disappointment is as universal as death and taxes, and while it's inevitable, I've found valuable opportunities for growth embedded in these challenging moments. I’d like to share my personal strategies for navigating work disappointments and turning them into opportunities for self-improvement. 

Acknowledging Disappointment 

My initial response used to be downplaying disappointments, as if convincing myself that it's not a big deal would make the hurt, sadness, or anger disappear. However, I've learned that stuffing my feelings leads to stuffing my face, or my online shopping cart. Since the pandemic, I've adopted a healthier approach—I take a moment to acknowledge my disappointment and express curiosity about the root cause. 

Curiosity as a Tool 

Embracing curiosity is my go-to strategy for navigating disappointment. Rather than reacting immediately, I pause, take a deep breath, and ask myself, "I wonder what's going on here?" Curiosity becomes a lens through which I explore the reasons behind the disappointment, fostering self-reflection and a deeper understanding of the situation. Recognizing that there are infinite ways to interpret an experience keeps me from immediately accepting the first story I tell myself about a disappointment. 

Embracing Feelings 

I recognize the importance of allowing myself to feel the full range of emotions, understanding that they're transitory, much like weather patterns. However, I try to temper my initial reaction, avoiding impulsive expressions that could harm relationships with colleagues. It's about finding a balance between acknowledging emotions and responding thoughtfully. I accept that all of my feelings are valid, but none of them is fact.  

Grounding Techniques 

To maintain composure in challenging moments, I've integrated practical grounding techniques, such as deep, slow breathing. Staying grounded allows me to foster curiosity and prevents knee-jerk reactions that may worsen the situation. Countering negative self-talk with gentle affirmations reinforces a positive mindset and contributes to resilience in the face of disappointment.  

My favorite affirmations during the initial moments of disappointment are:  

• This feeling won’t last forever. 
• It’s going to be OK. 
• I wonder what I can learn from this. 
• In the big picture of my life, this disappointment is small. 

Taking Action to Process Disappointment 

I live near Terry Trueblood Recreation Area on the south side of Iowa City. The park surrounds Sand Lake and is a wonderful place to rent kayaks, paddleboards, and paddleboats during the summer, but when we don’t get enough rain, and the water becomes stagnate, unsafe levels of bacteria grow, and the lake is closed to all recreational activities.  

Much like a lake, if we let disappointments fester, they will grow into resentments that affect our relationships, work, and self-esteem. However, there are effective ways to process the emotions underlying disappointments and move into a space full of possibilities. 

Here are five of my favorite ways to process emotions: 

• Movement – Exercise can be as effective as anti-depressant medication; the mood benefits are huge. I heard this for years before I decided to run my own experiment and joined our local Jazzercise center, which meets both my movement and my connection needs and has a significant positive impact on my overall mental health.  
• Music – Just like the power of a mixtape, sharing playlists on favorite music-listening apps can shift moods. Listening to (or making) music increases blood flow to brain regions that generate and control emotions. 
• Writing/drawing – Writing down details about disappointments creates a boundary around resentment. It provides a clear beginning and end, allowing me to gain distance from the situation and explore potential solutions. Drawing in a journal is an alternative when writing feels challenging. 
• Connection – Seeking support from friends, family, or colleagues fosters a sense of connection. Discussing disappointments with people you trust can provide different perspectives and insights. 
• Seeking Professional Support — When needed, I seek professional support through counseling or therapy. Professional guidance can offer tools and strategies for processing emotions in a constructive manner. There is no shame in utilizing the support available through student counseling or the Employee Assistance Program. We all need a little support sometimes. 

Working through disappointments is a personal journey, and my approach involves fostering curiosity, embracing emotions, and using practical techniques for self-regulation. By transforming moments of disappointment into opportunities for personal and professional growth, I've found a way to navigate the complexities of leadership with resilience and a positive mindset.

Cover image by Arif Riyanto.